To My Mom… in observation of Mother’s Day

There’s a version of my mom I only met after I became a mom myself. I didn’t fully understand my mom… until I became one. Even now, I’m still uncovering pieces of her I never saw before.

We all have such different parent-child relationships. Some mother-daughter relationships are strong, some are tumultuous, some are cold and distant, some are warm and supportive. This is a tribute to my mom, and the woman she has supported me to become.

Mom, I think we both can agree, we’ve had some great times, and some pretty painful ones together. I feel regret for the challenges I put you through and the headaches I caused… but I was a kid feeling dysregulated, a teenager trying to rebel against the world, and a young adult trying to reconnect to it.

One thing about you, you were always there. No matter how much it hurt. I love you for that.

I hope to be able to channel that same strength into my own motherhood journey. There’s a lot out there about parenting, but in the end, none of us really know what the hell we’re doing. We just ride the waves, making decisions in the moment.

Our relationship changed so much once I began my motherhood journey. It gives you such a different perspective of that kind of love, the internal dysregulation, the overstimulation, the constant demand.

And I needed you in a way that was different from other times in my life.

In my early motherhood experience, I felt so isolated, like so many moms do. Yes, the pandemic made that isolation heavier, but in some ways, it also made your presence more constant.

My relationship with you helped me feel less alone and more connected.

I remember sitting on the couch (on repeat), exhausted, feeling lonely, overwhelmed, like I was failing at motherhood. And I called you. You didn’t fix it. You stayed. And that’s what I needed.

You are solid, Mom.

I aspire to be able to hold that same kind of space for my child when he needs it.

It gets me curious about the shift in relationships after entering parenthood. We reflect differently. We need people to show up differently. And we begin to see our own childhood experiences from a completely different perspective.

And if I’m being honest… sometimes that perspective comes with judgment.

We judge… and then, slowly, we understand.We critique… and then we find ourselves holding more empathy than we expected.We see what we’d do differently… but also begin to see just how hard it actually was.

And somewhere in that shift, something softens. Not everything gets excused, but more of it gets understood.

And I know this isn’t everyone’s story. For some, becoming a mom brings up grief, distance, or even more pain in that relationship. That shift doesn’t always lead to closeness, but it still changes how we see things, how we feel things, and how we carry our past into our present.

What I understand now that I didn’t before is this: you were doing your best, within your role as a mother, your marriage, and figuring out your life as you were experiencing it… just like I am now. I see the impact of maternal mental health, and the lack of conversation and support around it for moms in previous generations.

And still, you showed up as a ride-or-die, “we’ll figure it out together” kind of person. That never wavered.

What I’m trying to carry forward is that same energy. The kind of mom who is steady and reliable, who shows up, even when it’s messy, even when I’m frustrated, even when my kid has pushed every button I have. The kind of mom who still says, “I’ve got your back.”

Now that I’m a mom, I finally see you, not just as my mother, but as a woman who was doing her best.

And maybe that’s what motherhood can do, it softens the edges of the past and lets us see each other more clearly.

If becoming a mom has shifted how you see your own story or your relationships, there’s a lot that can live in that space, and not all of it is easy to name. This work is layered, and it deserves space.

If you’re in New Jersey and looking for support as you navigate the changes in your relationships now that you’re in parenthood, I’d love to connect.