“Stop Touching Me!”: When Motherhood Overwhelms Your Nervous System

Many millennial parents grew up without the same level of emotional guidance, language, or nervous system awareness that children are receiving today. There was little exploration of sensory systems, emotional regulation, or how different bodies and brains process input.

Looking back, I was probably viewed by those close to me as stubborn, difficult, a “pain in the ass,” as I’m sure my parents might have described me. I couldn’t tolerate socks with seams. I would only wear leggings. I had big, dysregulated, emotional responses. At the time, it was framed as behavior or personality.

It wasn’t until I was working on my bachelor’s degree in social work and attended a conference focused on childhood mental health that I learned about sensory systems, sensitivities, and neurodivergence. And I can’t even find a strong enough word for what that realization felt like.

Oh s**t… that’s me.

Wait, I wasn’t difficult just to be difficult. My nervous system was dysregulated, uncomfortable, overwhelmed, and I needed support.

This realization came years after a lifetime of masking. And while it was validating and relieving to finally understand myself, I didn’t necessarily do much with that information at the time. I felt less alone, and then I continued on with life.

And then… motherhood.

Motherhood has a way of unmasking sensory needs that many of us have expertly managed for years. Parenthood brings constant sensory input, like sounds, touch, smells, planning, decision-making, emotional demands, all layered on top of one another. The coping strategies that once worked simply stop working. There’s just too much.

We need new tools. Like… actual tools.

I hear so often from parents who find themselves snapping when their kids won’t stop touching them, when there are too many sounds, all while trying to clean, cook, answer an email, or complete one more task.

“STOP TOUCHING ME!”

And then comes the guilt.

So let’s slow this down and look at what’s actually happening.

Our nervous systems are overwhelmed. Overstimulation occurs when we receive more sensory or mental input at one time than our brain can manage, leading to irritability, emotional reactivity, and shutdown. We often recognize overstimulation easily in children, such as tantrums, crying, throwing toys, hitting, but we don’t always recognize it in ourselves.

Common triggers for overload include:

• sounds

• lighting

• temperature

• textures of clothing

• smells (there are so many)

• and the constant physical touch that comes with parenthood

What makes this especially challenging is that there often isn’t a natural break to reset and our nervous systems desperately need that reset.

When adults are overstimulated, it can look like:

• increased irritability or rage

• tearfulness

• difficulty concentrating or focusing

• a mild dissociative or “checked out” feeling

• headaches

• fatigue

So… what do we actually do about it?

I’ve got you.

So what’s our goal? It’s to reset your nervous system.

Some practical, accessible tools:

• Step away briefly into a darker, quieter space like a bathroom, closet, pantry, wherever you can get a moment

• Use cold input: splash cold water on your face, use an ice roller, place an ice pack on the back of your neck, or (if you live in the Northeast like me) stick your head out the front door, five-degree weather is a surprisingly effective reset!

• Pause and ask yourself: What does my system need right now?

  • dimmer lights

  • a soft blanket

  • reduced noise

  • fewer layers or different textures

While that glass of wine can feel like the answer and sometimes it is, it’s worth starting with your nervous system first.

And remember: the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Many parents can relate to their children’s sensory and emotional experiences more than they realize.

As always, I am here to validate your experiences in parenthood and remind you or even maybe be the first one to tell you, that this experience is incredibly common. It may be annoying and sometimes intolerable, but it’s relatable and so many of us share this experience with you.

If you’d like to learn more about my work or explore support, you can read more about me or reach out directly through my Contact page.